Potential Candidates for Obama's Illinois Senate Vacancy

Ozzie Guillen - Sure every new policy direction would involve hitting people in the face with baseballs. Sure every press release and interview would involve copious amounts of profanity and all manner of personal insults about nationality and sexual orientation. Still, things would get done... probably even somewhat legally. Plus he already lives there.

Alan Keyes - Perhaps making the argument that children raised by homosexual couples will inevitably participate in incest contributed to Alan Keyes' razor-thin 70 to 27 loss to Barack Obama in the 2004 Illinois Senate race. Still, assuming Keyes maintains the Illinois residency he set up after running four years ago, he has one powerful ally: demographics. Keyes can revive the little-discussed but oft-employed practice of replacing one non-white or female (sometimes both, but what are the odds?) government official with another of the same race or gender who otherwise exhibits seemingly no reason for consideration. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Stephen Colbert - Because if it's left up to an internet vote he'll win by 260% anyway.

Henry Paulson - Because he can draw from at least one $350 billion account to cut Blagojevich a check for the position. Plus he's out of a job in a month and a half and the unemployment rate really can't stand to go up much further.

The Dallas Cowboys - Because they all have a funny habit of making their way into the electoral process. And they suck at football.

Whichever Federal Judge or Federal Prosecutor takes the Blagojevich case - Because that's really the sensible option.

I'd say it's even money that the job somehow ends up going to Ted Stevens.